It might be a good career move! Words: Renata Harper.

'Many years ago, I went clubbing at a gay club with two friends from work – one gay woman and one straight woman. They hooked up that night and I was dying to tell my boss, who happens to be a friend of mine. I also felt it could be a potential business disaster should their relationship blow up,’ says Tanya Whittaker* (38), a fashion buyer. It’s probably easier to give up chocolate, sex and shoes than to keep this kind of information to yourself. (Tanya held out for an admirable three weeks, in case you’re wondering.) Would you tell?

One woman’s gossip is another woman’s...
So let’s define ‘gossip’... Though journalist /gossip columnist Earl Wilson might have been right in describing it as ‘Hearing something you like about someone you don’t’, we’re going more with the concept of ‘third-partying’: when A and B talk about C, and C is not present. We’re also focusing on the type of information that results in moral, or other, judgements being made about C.

‘You need to discern whether you’re just sharing information or indulging in malicious gossip,’ says HR practitioner Penny Abbott. Examining your motives for talking about C and the possible consequences of your ‘discussion’ are a good starting point.

Why do we gossip?
‘Gossip is a more complicated and socially important phenomenon than we think,’ writes psychology professor at Knox College, Frank T McAndrew, in ‘The Science of Gossip: Why we can’t stop ourselves’ (Scientific American Mind, October 2008). He refers to a study by psychologists at Yale University that suggests gossip is one of the best tools we have to compare ourselves socially (or professionally) with others, which explains why ‘we like to know about the scandals and misfortunes of our rivals and of high-status people’. (And why that information is less interesting when it’s about people of a ‘lesser’ status.)

Gossip can also give us a sense of meaning, particularly when we are feeling insecure, says Geoff Griffin, co-founder of team-building organisation Dream Team Catalyst. ‘The current economic climate is a breeding ground for gossip, especially if there is lack of transparent communication in the organisation.’

Gossip also creates a sense of bonding, creating alliances that may even protect us to some degree. Michelle Simons* (29), a Jo’burg-based attorney, has a particularly manipulative boss, ‘who tries to manoeuvre myself and my colleagues against each other. As a result, we gossip about him all the time’. ‘So, as much as he tries to break up our friendships, it can’t work.’ Also, though we might not admit to this, sometimes we gossip to fit in.

Survival of the fittest?
McAndrew, who also has an interest in environmental and evolutionary psychology, suggests that we might in fact be ‘hard-wired to be fascinated by gossip’. ‘As far as scientists can tell, our prehistoric forebears lived in...small groups where they knew everyone else in a face-to-face, long-term kind of way,’ he writes. ‘Our caveman ancestors had to cooperate with so-called in-group members for success against out-groups, but they also had to recognise that these same in-group members were their main competitors when it came to dividing limited resources... [Therefore] our ancestors faced a number of consistent adaptive problems, such as remembering who was a reliable exchange partner and who was a cheater, knowing who would be a reproductively valuable mate, and figuring out how to successfully manage friendships, alliances and family relationships.’

So, if it is the case that ‘people who were fascinated with the lives of others were simply more successful than those who were not’, it makes sense that the ‘gossip genes’ of those individuals have been passed down to us through the ages, he concludes.

The nasty side of gossip
‘People are always going to discuss others, and you shouldn’t necessarily discourage that,’ says Abbott. ‘That social interaction is a great part of working life! But if you’re passing on information that’s speculation, rather than observation, it can be terribly dangerous. For example, if your boss has been in a big meeting all day, it’s fine to wonder what’s going on, but telling everyone the meeting is about job cuts when you don’t know that this is true causes havoc.’

Griffin agrees that ‘it’s human nature to gossip’, but says we often don’t realise the effect it can have on an individual or team. Those very alliances we form can also be a disintegrating factor. ‘And remember,’ he warns, ‘alliances are always shifting’.

Being seen as a gossip may also have negative implications for your career. ‘Someone who doesn’t gossip will be respected and trusted more than a gossiper,’ says Griffin. ‘If the overriding culture of the organisation is third-partying, then gossiping might be seen as a skill or strategy and it’s possible that those people might succeed. But generally people who are seen to be gossips, don’t prevail.’

More often than not, it’s trust that is the casualty of gossip, as Yvette Phillips* (27), a junior account manager discovered. Over a drink with a manager, she let slip her frustrations with her direct manager, who she felt was underperforming. The news was passed on and ‘suddenly all the managers, except the person concerned, knew about my “issue” with her. It was taken completely out of context.’ When Yvette’s boss did find out, she felt betrayed. ‘The “gossip” was totally unintentional,’ says Yvette, ‘but resulted in a huge fracture between myself and my manager which, although partially resolved, left both of us feeling rather horrid.’

Bear in mind that gossip can also lead to erosion of individual and team morale; decline in productivity; increased anxiety among employees as unsubstantiated rumours circulate; hurt feelings; damaged reputations; divisiveness as people take sides; good people leaving the company to avoid the gossip culture... and more. Next time you’re drawn into a sordid story, ask yourself: ‘if A gossips to me, does A gossip about me?’

Is gossip always bad?
According to McAndrew, there’s ample evidence that ‘when it is controlled, gossip can indeed be a positive force in the life of a group.’ He goes so far as to suggest that ‘it may become more productive to think of gossip as a social skill rather than as a character flaw, because it is only when we do not do it well that we get into trouble.’

If you’re in an organisation where communication is lacking, ‘everyone can benefit from paying careful attention to the bits of data that trickle down [the grapevine],’ says Dawn Rosenberg McKay, in a career planning guide on About.com. ‘It can be healthy to talk about problems and stresses, or to let off some steam,’ adds Abbott. ‘If you’re upset by a colleague’s behaviour, it can be worth checking with someone else – [preferably not a superior] – whether you’re interpreting that behaviour correctly. But make sure you talk to someone you trust.’

‘Gossip can be an efficient way of reminding group members about the importance of the group’s norms and values...and a useful way of controlling these “free riders” who may be tempted to violate group norms of reciprocity by taking more from the group than they give in return,’ says McAndrew. The way this works, he says, is that those who become ‘frequent targets of gossip and ostracism’ are pressurised into becoming better citizens.

McAndrew suggests that gossip may actually build trust. ‘[S]haring gossip with another person is a sign of trust because you are signalling that you believe that this person will not use this information in a way that will have negative consequences for you; shared secrets also have a way of bonding people together,’ he says. Conversely, ‘[a]n individual who is not included in the office gossip network is obviously an outsider who is not trusted or accepted by the group’.

‘The aspect of gossip that is most troubling is that in its rawest form it is a strategy used by individuals to further their own reputations and selfish interests at the expense of others,’ he says. ‘This side of gossip usually overshadows the more benign ways in which it functions in society.’

Working the grapevine
It may not be in your interest to set yourself aside from gossip completely, says Abbott. ‘This is about finding a balance between being the prissy colleague and the drama queen.' The former can lead to isolation, the latter to a perception that you’re untrustworthy. ‘If you are part of the social interaction, do your best to diffuse the situation a little, and do not pass the information on,’ she says. Though sometimes it is a case of ‘where there is smoke, there’s fire’, it’s essential to verify your facts before acting on something you hear, she warns.

‘Successful gossiping is about being a team player and sharing key information with others in a way that won’t be perceived as self-serving,’ says McAndrew.

Use the grapevine, says McKay: ‘If you had a great success at work or worked hard on a project, this is information you want to share. You never know who it’ll reach.’

*Names have been changed.

Managing gossip
‘There’ll almost always be some gossip going on,’ says Griffin, ‘but the trick is to manage it so that it’s not a destructive force.

’If you gossip: For example, if there’s a classic office slacker, ‘try not to undermine the person,’ says Abbot. Griffin believes in ‘building a culture of talking to person C when you have a problem with C’. Never approach the person when you’re feeling emotional. ‘Discuss the behaviour and the effect it’s having on you. Talk in terms of what we can do about it.’

If it’s your manager? ‘It takes courage to confront a superior,’ says Griffin, ‘but often the consequences are worse if you don’t.’ And often, the third party is unaware of the effect their behaviour is having on you.

For managers: ‘Management needs to create clear channels of communication,’ says Griffin. ‘But if someone does gossip to you, it’s your role as a manager to hold the middle ground. And if A does talk to you about C – and it’s work-related – it’s important to bring C into the conversation at some stage.’

The (unwilling) accomplice: ‘Often we collude with gossipers without realising it,’ says Griffin. ‘Remind yourself not to get involved when the gossip is
destructive.’ If a colleague is cornering you, ‘reflect the gossip back to them with questions like “are you sure that’s true?”,’ says Abbott. If a friend at work is confiding in you, direct them back to the ‘offender’.

The victim: ‘Your response depends on the effect it’s having on you,’ says Abbott. ‘If you’re in a poisonous workplace, it may be [best] to move to a company that has values in accordance with yours.’

And some don'ts
• Have you ever made the mistake of e-mailing the person who was on your mind, rather than the person the e-mail was intended for? That gives you one very good reason not to share gossip via e-mail (as tempting as it may seem.) Another reason is that an e-mail is a semi-permanent medium, so you don’t know who could dig it up – or when.

• Don’t whisper at the office. Some will assume you’re gossiping – even if you aren’t –and  if you are, you might antagonise people you aren’t even talking about.

• ‘Salaries are often a contentious issue,’ says Griffin. ‘Though it might be empowering to share this information, think carefully about what you might – or might not – have to gain from revealing all.’