When your guy's BF is a girl

Liesl

Find another boyfriend! If they are so close then they would have at one stage slept together, or will at one stage sleep together. Run in the opposite direction screaming!

Jan

I agree - I don't think men and women can have close friendships without strong emotional ties, and personally that would leave me feeling very uncomfortable. I don't want to end up feeling like the other woman, and don't like the thought of my boyfriend confiding in another woman.

Tess

From my experience, a guy and a girl who are very close friends normally end up even closer...socialising can be done all together not just the two of them and not too much either. She needs to realise he is involved and his partner is his first priority and he needs to make it clear to her as well. She will either accept it if she has no alterior motives or she must move on...

Vuyo

Been there, done that and we couldn't stand each other. But, I respected the fact that their relationship predated ours. if the tables were turned I would want him to respect my male friend(ships)so it just became one of those things you work around - like having his mom not like you or something. I also think it's healthy for both parties to have friends of the opp. sex becasue they can give you a different perspective on your relationship issues. And after our relationship had been going for a while she became less important to him...I say just hang in there

Jay

End it now. It's an emotional attachment that will only end in disaster. I thought my husband was wonderful, really in touch with his feminine side because he seemed to be able to relate much better to women than men. Till he slept with one. It's not natural, cool or necessary. You should be his best friend. End of story.

Mary Knight

Does not work! We have two close friends, both married, who became "best friends". It took time, started off with casual dinners, coffees, sms's etc. but they are now having a very serious affair, two families in danger of being split up. Both their spouses are totally unaware of the situation. The lies these people tell their partners are AMAZING. If you need "friendship" somewhere else, there is a problem in your relationship so rather be honest, decide on the way forward but don't subject your partner to betrayal. You can have a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, but it should be open and your partner should be involved in that friendship too.

Nina

Even if you do stop their friendship, the yearning for each other will remain. They may even become closer emotionally and it may go further than it would have in the first place. The best is to let it be.

Jay

Mary. Why don't you tell your friends' spouses?

Radia

My ex was best friends with his ex girlfriend who was also his first love. I was extremely jealous and insecure because of the way he spoke about her and all the memories he had of her. Sometimes I even felt like I was competing with someone I haven't even met. Lucky for me she was living abroad but they were in regular contact via telephone and online chat. When she came to visit and it was time for me to finally meet this wonder women in person she was not that bad at all. I felt very uncomfortable at first because they hugged each other and was extremely happy to see each other and I felt like I suddenly became invisible. But the next minute she hugged me and said it was so nice to finally meet me as she has heard so much about me. So moral of the story I was my own worst enemy. I worried over nothing and caused unnecessary conflict and made his ego even bigger. We broke up after 3 years and guess what they are still friends and so are we:-) If there is no trust in your relationship then you might as well quit while you are ahead as you will only drive yourself insane with all the doubt and silly thoughts.

zukiswa

my husband have friends that i don't trust her and we have long distance relationship His in Limpompo and I'm in cape town

Melissa

My boyfriend has girl friends and i dont like the idea unless they are married engadged or taken. first of all the girl that was ment to be his "friend" came over to his house while i was working and he didn't tell me i founf out through a friend then he says nothing happening but i find sms's on his phone from her with rather over friendly msgs saying she misses him and wants him so badly and will never give up. Another friend he spoke with online i find out a year after the relationship of trusting him that he acctually was going to move over to be with her and loved her the whole time and wished i was her. I dont mind if its that we all friends but alone time or smsing all the time behind your back there is something wrong...

Anza Mehnert

When I read this headline on my very first visit to your site (but a lifetime reader of the magazine) it takes me back to when I was in exactly this situation. The strange thing is, I never left the situation and my husband has not just one, but many close female friends, because of his gentleness and kindness. But let me put this in perspective: The question is not WHETHER your boyfriend or husband's best friend is female, but his BEHAVIOUR, towards her when you are there and not there. I remember clearly the past relationship I had where my boyfriend would be inapproriately over-friendly with his female best friend, and she would reciprocate the behaviour! It left me feeling small, and hurt. No one should ever make you feel like that, and if they do, then the behaviour is inappropriate. My husband is a completely different person. He has many female friends, but he respects me enough not to step over the line, or make me feel small. I even enjoy their company and we go out together, because I know he loves me, he lets me know everyday, and he never inappropriately touches, jokes or makes innuendos with his female friends, because he truly respects me. This is the key.

Kate

I agree with Anza. I think if our relationships are based on honesty, integrity and respect (as they should be) things can work out with minimal drama. I have had the same guy bestie for the last five years, and our relationship has always been truly platonic. We get along so well, but have never been attracted to each other romantically. I valued our friendship - great conversation and laughs with none of the crap. He was, and remains, a brother to me. When he (let's call him Chuck) met his now fiance, Sam (who actually turned out to be a friend of mine and later a roommate), I was a little concerned that she would have an issue with me, and I got it. I wouldn't want some chicky hanging out with my man alone!!! I respected both of them, and loved the idea of two of my mates hooking up, so I backed off and drew unspoken boundaries between Chuck and I. We were hardly ever alone together, and if it happened that way, Sam always knew about it. Deep conversations him and I used to have were now left to them, and I assumed my place - not in the middle or on the side - but behind them, supporting them and generally 'not taking any sides'! :) I think she saw that I respected her, had no intention of stealing her man and loved them both dearly. They've both been there for me, as a couple, through some of my darkest moments and it's for this reason that I cherish our mutual relationship so much; and beseech you to examine the situation and discern what's really there. You could make the best friends of your life, or you may need to close the door. BUT - it's all about respect and ultimately honesty. I think you'll know when there really is something to be worried about.