Is it okay to be sad?
We're always striving for happiness, but is it alright to be a little melancholy?
As the song says, 'don't worry, be happy,' right? But what happens if you can't shake the sadness?
In the February issue of FAIRLADY (page 70) we delve head-first into the issue of being sad.
Is it really a terrible emotion we should avoid at all costs? Apparently not. Experts say treating sadness as though it is a disease removes our motivation to mature emotionally.
6 reasons to allow a bit of sadness
1 Research demonstrates that sad people tend to be more sympathetic, less self-centred and make better listeners; in short, they’re often better company.
2 Sadness makes you think more deeply, assimilate new information, and reassess old ideas – all imperatives given that, ironically, change is the only constant in life.
3 Sadness presents a reality check – it helps us to recognise what’s important and what isn’t, to prioritise properly. It’s a life leveller.
4 Sadness has the propensity to make us more empathetic: in recognising our own pain we are able to comprehend and respond to pain in others.
5 Sadness presents an opportunity for personal growth; as glib as it sounds, the mantra ‘no pain, no gain’ is true.
6 Just as fear serves as a warning to the presence of danger, so sadness signals a cry for help. It’s a biological imperative evident in apes, dogs and elephants. Being ‘up’ all the time might mean you play down very real threats.
We asked our Facebook and Twitter friends what they thought about being sad, here's what they had to say:
Rina Krämer: 'All of us have our sad moments...and it's okay...grab a box of DELICIOUS DARK CHOCOLATE and a good book and give in to the mood...it will pass...'
Elizabeth Otuli Munlo: 'It's important to feel sad. That's the best way to get oneself to reflect and see life for what it really is. Being sad teaches you that happiness is not all there is to life and striving for it is close to denying the fact that you are here to live. Life is about mixing the good with the bad so as to end up with a very accurate picture.'
Audrey Smith-Schelan: 'I think its good to be sad sometimes, and to have a good old cry is even better - it helps us release whatever is bottled up inside and afterwards you feel so much better. In the world we live we can't help but be sad at the things we see and hear.'
Kate West: 'It's ok to feel what you feel. Suppressing your real emotions and pretending they are something else will only lead to a meltdown later. Trust me, I know! Embrace your emotions and then move on.'
Sanet Labuschagne: 'We are born with a wide range of emotions and should allow ourselves to experience all of them!'
Louise Make: 'Embrace the lessons and strength that the sadness is there to bring you. Then, when ready, release it so you can appreciate and celebrate how high happiness lifts you in contrast.'
Roberta Muir: 'If we were never sad we wouldn't appreciate happy.'
We'd love to know what you think. Is it alright to allow yourself a little sadness now and again? Leave us a comment below or come chat with us on Facebook and Twitter.
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Comments - 3 comments
Charmaine McDonald
It is natural to feel sad sometimes, but sadness does not last forever, but happiness does.Almarie
Even in the Bible it tell us that Jesus was sadend by the things the people did. Why would we then be different and make that we are not sad. How can a persons behaviour change towards you if he / she can not see that his / her actions sandens you? Sad is OK it is normally the very strong person that can display his / her sadness.srhome
Hi there, I hope this could be usefull to someone out there, maybe it could be beneficial to myself in sharing this with you.... I definitely think that it is ok to be sad, it is beneficial to one’s soul, its helps one understand in a way why things happen the way it does happen it helps one to learn coping with certain situations should something similar or the same ever happen again. About 6 months ago I discovered that I’m pregnant for the first time at 30. Being my first pregnancy and not really knowing what to do I was being very cautious about doing/eating/drinking anything. After our first visit to the gynaecologist & receiving confirmation we informed friends and family at 5 weeks. On my second visit to the gynaecologist round 8/10 weeks we were informed that the foetus stopped growing round 6 weeks (just about the time we informed every one of the good news). At first I was devastated that this happened, I could not completely understand why this happened since I was so careful & didn’t want to do a thing besides to breathe & sleep. At first I was sad, just sad & cried for days non-stop, later the sadness turned in to anger and then more sadness after that. I had to undergo a D&C 3 days after hearing the unwelcome news. This was the worst part for me, having to go to the maternity ward I know made it all even worse for me. Everyone always say & try to comfort one after such an experience. They say that miscarriage & D&C happens to woman all over on a regular basis. But that still doesn’t change the way that one feels & it defiantly does not make it any easier either to overcome such a horrible pain. Even if someone shares their experience with you, it just still doesn’t make you feel any better, it might even make you feel worse as it does & still is in my case. Now, up to today 6 months later I’m still angry, upset, devastated & still do not fully understand why this all happened to me. Why would the miracle of conception & the first few weeks take place & then just be taken away from one just like that? Sometimes I try to convince myself all will be ok & that it is ok to try again, then the next second I tell myself NO, I’m not really ok & I’m not ever getting pregnant again & that I just can’t see myself going through the whole 9 month thing. I just can’t do it… This all caused (& still is causing) me to withdraw from everyone & everything around me. I couldn’t & still can’t communicate with anyone about this. I don’t even talk to my husband about it…. I know that this might make things worse, but currently this is the only way for me to be sad & to progress slowly but surely within myself as a person, and as a wife. This is all is in a way part of my way of coping with my sadness and my loss, or my gain. With all the above in mind I tend to agree 100% with the 6 reasons to allow a bit of sadness: 1 – I tend to listen more in past 6 months then before 2 – I really do think more deeply about everything, this tends to bring up all sorts of feelings from my past 3 – reality check definitely yes, I overthink everything 100 times before making a final decision 4 – one can definitely identify pain in someone else more easily 5 – the opportunity for growth is definitely there yes, one can only learn & grow stronger from each & every experience 6 – a cry for help indeed yes From a sad.... empty soul.... trying to cope & move one with her life